


Frayed at the Edges

by daehwisvoice



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Deephwi, M/M, drunk Daehwi, even softer Minhyun, jinhwi, jinhwi fic fest, soft jinyoung
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 08:04:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14666828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daehwisvoice/pseuds/daehwisvoice
Summary: From some point, there was a crack.Then we broke apart.Ridiculously, I was ruined.But it’s ok.I will ruin my life, over and over again.Even to another life.





	Frayed at the Edges

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anuttrap](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anuttrap/gifts).



> Hi, Soulmate!  
> I'm so sorry I flopped your prompt :(  
> Thank you for giving me an amazing prompt, though!  
> I hope you like it even though I don't feel so confident about this :(
> 
> Enjoy!

It started in high school. Jinyoung might not have been the ideal best friend Daehwi was looking for, but he was enough. Well, ideal according to Daehwi meant someone who was as popular as Daniel hyung, as handsome as Minhyun hyung, as smart as Jisung hyung, as outgoing as Jihoon hyung, and as talented as Sungwoon hyung. Jinyoung was not any of them but, contrary to popular belief, once Daehwi opened up to Jinyoung, he clicked with him immediately.

 

Their relationship was forged with loyalty and trust, something that was crafted slowly and carefully since Daehwi knew that a genuine friendship was better than any friendships created solely due to the expectations of society, like a clique of popular students like himself. Jinyoung is the only one who understands him. He’s always known what he needed. Like, when his father had passed away ㅡ and their company had suffered and his family was on the edge of bankruptcy ㅡ Jinyoung’s natural reaction to the news was to come get him, comfort him, and distract him. Not at all like Daehwi's other friends who left him after the news broke.

 

The news didn’t really affect him that much, as he and his father didn’t really have a good relationship, but it still made him empty inside ㅡ and it’s not like Daehwi is good at expressing himself since the start. So, when Jinyoung came to ask about how he felt, Daehwi kept silent. Well, this is not the first time someone patted his hair, but this one with Jinyoung felt different. Daehwi felt the tingling sensation coursed through his veins from where Jinyoung patted him softly. He didn’t know how, but the dam was suddenly broken and he cried his eyes out, hands clutching the front of Jinyoung’s shirt tightly. Maybe it’s not sadness that he felt, but the insecurities of his life. Suddenly it dawned on him. 

 

_ He really had no one to turn to. _

 

That was the first time Daehwi had been impressed with Jinyoung ㅡ especially since back then he had been shrugging Jinyoung away ㅡ and Jinyoung hadn’t let that stop him from being there. Jinyoung pulled him close to his heart, let his head rest there for as long as he wanted to. He tried to be the strong one, but his heart had been hurt too, seeing Daehwi broke down.

 

From then on, the two of them were inseparable. To say that Jinyoung had only gotten Daehwi’s trust was an understatement. They became like sworn brothers. Jinyoung’s happiness turned into something Daehwi would exchange his life for, and that was really something coming from Lee Daehwi ㅡ he never would have thought about giving his life up for anyone before, he just wasn’t raised to be that selfless.

 

It was his dad who put this burden to him ㅡ to be the notorious good kid, the one with the best grades, the one who must be able to do anything. He was supposed to be a robot, Daehwi liked to say, and never the human that he actually is. As his father’s son, his life’s purpose was to be dedicated to Lee Corp., the largest entertainment company in South Korea and thus, he has never really woken up as ‘Lee Daehwi’ ㅡ he’s just young master Lee, every single day. That’s the mindset he’s lived his whole life with ㅡ trusting nobody but his own self (and Jinyoung).

 

With his father’s passing, all of his father’s fortune and Lee Corp.’s matters were promptly handed over to him ㅡ when all of his life, he had never once asked for any of what he’d been ‘gifted’. To him, love and compassion held more fortune than fame and money, like those hugs that his mom used to give him when he was small all the way through to when they were finally separated from each other.

 

His mother was a great cook, a wonderful woman with the softest heart ever. She was the Lee mansion’s chef, back when his father was still a young master like he was now. 

 

She was his father’s _best decision_ , as well as his _biggest mistake_. 

 

Apparently, there was a time before him, when his father was a normal human being,  someone who loved and was well loved by the people around him. At least, that’s what his mother had told him. They had eloped and tried to build their life together from scratch. Those were the happiest moments of her life, she had said. But they only lasted so long because a time came when their debts grew too big and they could no longer support their family by themselves. 

 

So his father made this big mistake. He decided to break their marriage up and bring little Daehwi back home with him to the cold mansion of the Lee family. It was supposed to be so that he wouldn’t ever ‘suffer’ in his life. “In the end, the red string of fate cannot fight money,” his mother had said to him right before they left her. 

 

At that time, he hadn’t understood a thing at all.

 

And now ㅡ well, things are different. He has graduated from University as a Valedictorian. He’s turned Lee Corp.’s business performance around. He’s learning how to be a good CEO from his father’s right hand man and he is really just so committed to the idea that he’s going to let his whole life just get robbed from him. Well, he has made it  _ here _ now, the biggest irony in his life ㅡ in the peak of his success, but look, what had happened to his father’s wish about his happiness, bringing him back here? 

 

It must have been very nice if back then Daehwi had understood everything. He would choose his mother over and over again. His head has been fulfilled with this wish for so long, but now, his heart says something different. 

 

Then Jinyoung’s face pops up in his mind.

 

The only thing that keeps him sane from all of these sufferings all this time has been Jinyoung.

 

But, looking back, it’s not just sanity Jinyoung gives him to let him go this far in his life.

 

In between their late night ramen outings, comforting touches, and emotional nights together, Daehwi’s also happened to catch feelings.

 

 

 

 

 

They haven’t gotten as far as kissing each other and confessing, but Daehwi knows that there is something between them. And honestly, that ‘ _something_ ’ is very quickly becoming the thing he fears the most. 

 

Jinyoung deserves everything in the world and Daehwi is very aware that he cannot give him that. What Daehwi can give him are those nights full of rants, complaints, and his usual drunk self.

 

There was one time though in early April, right when the cherry blossoms had bloomed beautifully. They should have been on a romantic walk near the Han River, but this turned out to be setting for their biggest fight yet.

 

It started out simply. According to Daehwi, it was his incapability of running his company properly that his company’s finances and performances had been severely affected.

 

So Jinyoung brought cans of beer for them, which was so helpful because that had always ended with Daehwi completely wasted ㅡ he’s just always been a lightweight (Jinyoung never has the heart to stop him from drinking because he, of all people, knows just how much Daehwi needs it when he wants to cry and drown himself in guilt and self-pity). 

 

But their talk didn’t go well. Jinyoung tried, constantly attempting to soothe him, but Daehwi still kept doubting himself, shoving Jinyoung’s feeling and helping hand away.

 

So, Jinyoung did what he deemed as necessary. He  _ kissed _ him ㅡ a kiss that wasn’t innocent at all. This was a kiss driven by power, used to show him just how much Jinyoung wanted him, how much Jinyoung would be willing to sacrifice just to be with him. 

 

And Daehwi kissed him back. In fact, he kissed him back for quite a while, only to realize that it felt good, _v_ _ery good_ that it makes his body trembled with excitement.

 

But then he realized how wrong this was at the same time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

After that they didn’t talk to each other for a week, until Jinyoung came and told him he was sorry ㅡ using the excuse that he was drunk that time (which they both knew was a lie - Jinyoung didn’t even drink all that much). But Daehwi played along for Jinyoung’s dignity, and in no time, they went back to their own selves. 

 

Except, since April, things have changed. 

 

Jinyoung’s getting bolder with each passing day.

 

He comes to Daehwi’s apartment every day, bringing ingredients for their dinner that they eat together. 

 

By itself, that’s not weird - because cooking for Daehwi has been part of Jinyoung’s routine since Daehwi left the Lee Mansion and moved into this massive apartment (and it’s not just because Daehwi can’t cook because he can and he’s an amazing one, just like his mom). 

 

Jinyoung’s cooking because Daehwi’s days are always tiring.

 

And that’s something that doesn’t sit well with him.

 

Like now, Daehwi has just woken up from his nap on the sofa to the smell of Jinyoung’s tasty cooking and instantly his heart clenches with guilt. “I really don’t deserve him,” he thinks. This thought has run around his head for quite some time now. 

 

It’s not just the cooking.

 

It’s Jinyoung bringing him food, it’s Jinyoung picking him up from wherever and whenever just because Daehwi needs him and it’s Jinyoung finding him ㅡ no matter where he’s run to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daehwi has always been a runner ㅡ so as he watches Jinyoung set the table, he runs away from his feelings too. His phone has rung for so many times Daehwi loses count already. A pop up message is shown on the screen. It’s Jinyoung’s usual “I made dinner. Please go home soon,” but he really doesn’t want to go home now. So Daehwi ignores the message. He has been saying this to himself over and over again ㅡ letting himself feel anything for Jinyoung would be the worst because if he somehow manages to hurt Jinyoung, then he would never forgive himself.

 

“I finally found you. Again.” 

 

Daehwi cannot count the number of times Jinyoung has had the chance to say this to him throughout their friendship. 

 

Today, Jinyoung finds him sitting on a barstool far from his apartment, drunk and nursing a glass with clear yellow liquid in it. In fact, if Jinyoung hadn’t come by, Daehwi would have almost certainly followed some stranger home.

 

Usually, Jinyoung would look relieved picking him up, driving him home, and tucking him into bed ㅡ but apparently, today is different. 

 

Today, the anger remains on Jinyoung’s face as he supports Daehwi’s limbs, walking him to the car he’s parked in front of the bar.

 

“How do you find me hyuu-ng,” Daehwi giggles while asking him. His own voice sounds rough, as the by-product of his dry throat. 

 

Jinyoung doesn’t answer him as they buckle in. Instead, they get in the car and Jinyoung’s right foot presses harder on the gas.

 

When they arrive at Daehwi’s apartment, Jinyoung slams his door once they’re in.

 

Daehwi is now out of his daze as he stares at Jinyoung, clearly not expecting him to slam the door closed. Years they have spent together have never witnessed Jinyoung getting this angry. He usually keeps it in himself, never would he show his anger in front of Daehwi in fear of scaring him. However, apparently this time, he clearly wants to show how angry he is at Daehwi as Jinyoung immediately pushes him to the wall and traps him in the narrow gap between his arms.

 

At first, Daehwi, with haziness in his eyes, stares into Jinyoung’s trying to confirm the boy’s anger. But after a few moments, Jinyoung closes his eyes. When he opens them again, only the pain he feels remains in his gaze. 

 

“ _Please_ ,” Jinyoung’s voice sounds weak.

 

“Don’t do this to me again.” 

 

Then Daehwi feels soft lips pressed into his. It starts slow until Jinyoung nips on his bottom lip and suddenly the pace of their movements quickens. Daehwi’s mind blanks out when he feels Jinyoung’s tongue enter his mouth.

 

Jinyoung’s hands has moved to grab his hips now, and he tightens his grip before his arms circle over Daehwi’s frame, their previous position turning into the most affectionate hug Daehwi’s ever felt. 

 

“Don’t go,” Jinyoung whispers.

 

It dawns on him slowly, what they have just done. Daehwi opens his eyes wide, contemplating whether to push Jinyoung away, or stay like this for a moment longer. Then his fears and insecurities visit his head.

 

Sure he likes the kiss ㅡ he genuinely really likes it. But if he doesn’t stop it now, he won’t ever be able to later ㅡ and he knows, that it will hurt Jinyoung and himself more the more he prolongs whatever they are having now.

 

He removes Jinyoung’s arms around him then says, “Go out.”

 

Jinyoung doesn’t move an inch ㅡ he doesn’t want to. 

 

“GO OUT! NOW!”

 

It’s not because of Daehwi’s loud shout. He will never get intimidated by him. Daehwi looks upset ㅡ really upset. Like he will blame himself more if Jinyoung doesn’t stop even though he doesn’t want to. So, he scrambles out.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Six months have now passed since he kissed Daehwi that night and Jinyoung still cannot forget it. 

 

He’s always been proud of his own self-restraint but that night was the first time he truly lost himself to the other boy.

 

Waiting for Daehwi had done this to him and he knows ㅡ or actually he has always known for quite some time that Daehwi is his weakness.

 

If you’d asked him why ㅡ Jinyoung wouldn’t be able to answer. It wasn’t Daehwi’s fortune, it wasn’t Daehwi’s fame, and clearly, it wasn’t Daehwi’s power that Jinyoung wanted to have for himself. 

 

It’s just that Jinyoung literally felt like he would die to see those smiles adorning Daehwi’s face again, like the ones the other boy had worn when they’d first met all those years ago.

 

He _still_ remembers how he fell for Daehwi. 

 

It was his second year of high school and his seventh year of being an errand boy for a group of students. Daehwi came into his life like a breeze on a summer day. 

 

Daehwi was a transfer student from Los Angeles ㅡ which was ‘cool’, according to his ignorant schoolmates. Of course, popularity came to Lee Daehwi naturally, as natural as breathing, and everyone loved him instantly. At first, Daehwi’s arrival to school didn’t make a difference to his life but eventually Jinyoung noticed that the group of bullies had stopped bothering him. 

 

They just literally followed Daehwi everywhere. 

 

  
  


 

 

 

 

That day was cloudy, the first time Daehwi talked to him. 

 

He had been sitting up on the school rooftop, minding his own business and having his peaceful lunch when he heard the door to the rooftop slammed closed. This sound was accompanied by someone’s very disturbing harsh panting. 

 

Their eyes locked and Daehwi didn’t look away. In fact, if anything, Jinyoung’s eyes grew bigger because of the smirk he saw on the boy’s face.

 

“Hi!” Well, it was weird for Jinyoung to find someone making an effort to talk to him ㅡ even if it was in a friendly way. “I’m Daehwi! And you are… Jinyoung, if I’m not mistaken?”

 

Jinyoung just nodded and continued his lunch. 

 

After that introduction, they fell into a comfortable silence. Soon after, this became their routine for the rest of the year ㅡ except eventually they started talking about more and more things together and eventually being with Daehwi started to feel as natural as breathing for him. 

 

From then on, no one even dared to disturb him. It became an unspoken rule, because literally everyone at school knew who Daehwi’s father was. 

 

At first, Jinyoung was thankful for Daehwi’s presence in his life. 

 

However, as time passed, he started to develop stronger feelings for him ㅡ those he could describe as dependency and tenaciousness. 

 

And then one day, almost too suddenly, he himself became someone he dreaded the most. 

 

_ He became obsessed with Lee Daehwi. _

 

Now, escaping from this black hole is almost impossible. He’s tried, numerous time. But all of his effort is in vain as he falls deeper and deeper for Daehwi. Thus, he has always thought that breaking his own heart over and over again is nothing as long as he can see Daehwi, feel his mere presence by his side, and be with him forever. 

 

But this cycle has been going on for seven years, and now maybe he’s broken his heart just too many times. Maybe it’s time for him to move on.

 

Well, it _is_ , actually. The time for him to move on.

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


Minhyun comes to him during his darkest days, holding his hand ㅡ and his heart, with so much care. 

 

Jinyoung feels like it will be easy falling in love with him, except the relationship that they build together isn’t based on love, but based on pity and the will to make things better with each other than it was with the people they loved. In other words, it’s mutually beneficial dependency.

 

Minhyun is beautiful ㅡ and like him, Minhyun is even more beautiful when he is broken like this. When they first decide to give this a try, it’s the third time Minhyun’s fiance has hurt him by breaking things off with him, playing with his heart, much like what Daehwi’s little game with him does.

 

So telling himself that he’s had enough of Daehwi’s little game, Jinyoung decides to  give building a relationship with Minhyun a try.

 

They also fall into a routine with the two of them together,  _ but _ they don’t fall in love with each other. How can they when their heart had not been entirely theirs anymore? They have given too much of themselves, especially their hearts, to different people.

 

And in their relationship, everything else comes easy but love doesn’t come at all.

  
  


 

  
  


It’s a rainy day and Jinyoung is snuggling up to Minhyun’s body, letting the other man’s warmth soak into his clothes when they hear someone knock on their door.

 

“Let me.” Minhyun whispers ever so softly into his ear and when he sounds so convincing, Jinyoung can’t help but let Minhyun do whatever it is he wants to.

 

So Jinyoung lets him open the door and he goes back to dozing off to the sound of the rain. 

 

But in seconds, he feels the bed dip with Minhyun’s weight and his hands stroking his hair. “Someone has come  looking for you.”

 

Jinyoung reluctantly untangles himself from the comfortable warmth of his blanket fort, wobbling as he makes his way out of the bedroom. Noticing Jinyoung’s obvious reluctance and barely awake movements, Minhyun chuckles handsomely from afar, watching him struggle by himself while having his hands ready in the air ㅡ in case Jinyoung’s legs still cannot support his own self after waking up.

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

When he gets to the living room, he sees a tuft of familiar soft hair peeking from his sofa. Jinyoung freezes.

 

“What do you want?” He asks before taking in the breathtaking view in front of him. It is Daehwi ㅡ with his purple hair. 

 

_ Purple always looks so nice on him. _

 

Daehwi has this charming grin on his face, the one Jinyoung recognizes from high school as he approaches him slowly before wrapping his arms over him. “I miss you,” Daehwi whispers softly, so intimately, into his ear.

 

His heart starts beating again. 

This feels weird, because he’s not accustomed to this pain in his chest anymore after he’s spent all this time apart from Daehwi. And he’s not sure it’s something he wants to get accustomed to, either.

 

“Can you stop?” He doesn’t mean for it to sound  _ this  _ harsh, but what’s done is done.

 

Daehwi’s big curious eyes stare into his soul, looking for an answer from Jinyoung to his question.

 

“Stop playing your little game with me, Lee Daehwi. I won’t fall for it anymore.”

 

He seemed shocked by this answer. Jinyoung can see the big ‘Is this my Jinyoungie hyung?’ from Daehwi’s eyes and proceeds to tell him, “I’m tired, Daehwi.”

 

Jinyoung sighs before continuing, “I’m tired of chasing you. When I thought that I finally had a hold of you ㅡ you turned into water and slipped right out of my hands and I’m tired of playing around."

 

"No, I’m tired of being toyed with. I’m tired of _you_.”

 

 

 

 

_ It doesn’t even sound a tiny bit aggressive,  _ Daehwi chuckles bitterly. It sounds more like a severely wounded wolf growling and baring his teeth to someone who hurt it, but actually the poor wolf doesn’t even have the strength to bite.

 

“Please let me escape. Please let me go.” Desperation is thickly laced to Jinyoung’s tongue while saying this.

 

What can Daehwi do when he begs like that? 

 

_ Maybe it’s time for me to take his position.  _

_ Maybe, it’s time for me to be hurt.  _

 

Except, Daehwi wouldn’t dare to think that what he feels now hurts more than what Jinyoung has experienced.

 

_ I deserve this. _

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


So, Daehwi guesses that it’s his karma ㅡ to suffer like this.

 

After the night when Jinyoung begged him to spare his heart, Daehwi was soon educated that there is a whole Hwang Minhyun in Jinyoung’s life now. 

 

The nights of guilt and self pity turn even darker. He should be happy for Jinyoung, but he doesn’t feel anything at all.

 

_ I cannot feel anything.  _

 

His heart is numb, and so work becomes his easy way out.

 

Sure, his company’s performance is better now ㅡ that’s what he trades with his heart and life, anyway; but he doesn’t think he’ll ever function ‘normally’ again. What kind of normal man doesn’t feel anything?

 

If he can turn back the time, he will definitely do it, even if the price is his life, as long as Jinyoung can only feel happiness ㅡ it’d be worth it. 

 

He laughs turning off his computer before he heads home again.

 

Why bother even thinking about this? It’s too late now.

  
  


* * *

 

  
  


 

Daehwi had scarred him, so bad.  _ But I guess he is happy now _ , Daehwi thinks, as he looks to the two people at the altar, smiles adorning their faces. 

 

His heart burns, but the inside of his wrist burns even more. In fact, the pain is so unbearable that his eyes sting. 

 

Then, he sees a black ink tattooed on his wrist, in a form of numbers ㅡ numbers he could easily recognized as today.

 

_ 0903 _

 

September 3rd ㅡ or the day he loses Jinyoung to someone else.

 

He has heard of this before, but never did he actually believe in this; more so expect this to happen in real life, in  _ his _ life. 

 

Little birdies say that if someone finds a red tattoo on their wrist, in a form of date, it means that they have met their soulmate, and will seal their love together at the written date.

 

But he has never heard of a black one.

 

Daehwi guesses that it means that Bae Jinyoung is really his soulmate. But destiny hasn’t taken their side this time. 

 

_ Not even fate can change that. _

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


 

 

_ From some point, there was a crack. _

_ Then we broke apart. _

_ Ridiculously, I was ruined. _

 

_ But it’s ok. _

_ I will ruin my life, over and over again. _

_ Even to another life. _

_ If that ever leads to you to be happy. _

_ Even when you’re not with me. _

 

_ I guess I deserve this. _

_ Seeing you become someone else’s. _

_ In every life I live, in every breath I take. _

 

_ Just, be happy. _

  
  


 

* * *

 

  
  


 

 

Daehwi wakes with dried tears on his face. 

 

This nightmare has been haunting him all the 17 years he has lived on earth and it has always felt so eerily real to him.

 

He hasn’t heard of or met someone named Jinyoung before, but everytime he wakes up from that nightmare, his heart burns.

 

Following his route to school, he feels like today will be those normal school days he enjoys having.

 

_ Except, he is wrong. _

 

Well, this day was bearable, until his homeroom teacher brought a new kid to his class who introduced himself as Bae Jinyoung.

 

_ Don’t ruin your chance this time,  _ he feels himself thinking. Then he was left confused when Jinyoung smiles from across the room to him.

  
  


 

 

 

“Nice to meet you again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, all!!!  
> I also want to thank my wonderful beta, Lili <3  
> You're really a blessing.
> 
> To all readers, even though this fic might not satisfy your thirst from the Jinhwi draught we had, I just want to say that I had so much fun writing this because of my beta.
> 
> Please read all of her works too at [LillithEvans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillithEvans)  
> She's an amazing writer (:


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